By Ann Reavey, School Counselor

Image by Kenny, 4th grade

One way to understand and manage our current feelings is through the lens of grief. We are currently a global community grieving: Grieving the loss of movement and human interaction. Grieving the loss of important milestones, events, and plans. Grieving the mounting loss of lives.

I know that I have dipped into each of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) multiple times in one day. Maybe in a single morning?

David Kessler, Kübler-Ross’ collaborator, was recently interviewed in Harvard Business Review on the pandemic and grieving. Kessler’s focus is on adults, but our children are experiencing this grief as well. They are mourning the things they have lost, and those they expect to lose: playdates, recess games, Reading Buddies, the 8th Grade Play, the extended day turtles, and so much more. Children grieve differently than adults but no less deeply.

Kessler’s description of anticipatory grief is powerful. Our anxiety about what the future holds activates our primitive brain so we feel under threat. As we know, our primitive brain is great at fight, flight, or freeze responses but not so great at creative problem-solving. So how do we handle our grief, especially our anticipatory grief?

Consider Kessler’s recommendations for healthy coping:

For children, use the Five Universal Needs of Children that I explored in my last post, Supportive Conversations with Your Child . Also consider Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s suggestions for supporting grieving children . Here are some of his guidelines:

Be patient with yourself and your family as we all move through these stages of grief. Allowing yourself to fully experience your emotions will keep them moving. It won’t always be comfortable but to quote David Kessler, “Let yourself feel the grief and keep going.”

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