By Ann Reavey, School Counselor

“Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” – E.L. Doctorow

Photo by Jake Weirick on Unsplash

We know that we must stay at home until June 10th. The enormity of this may seem unbearable. That is why we visit that place of thinking about the long haul, but we don’t live there. We go there to plan, to set goals, to determine support. And then we leave. We do not stay there.

One of my husband’s hobbies is running marathons and ultra-marathons. A race mantra of his is “Run the mile that you are in.” If you are focused on mile 30 when you are running mile 3, you will feel overwhelmed and defeated. You certainly want to prepare and plan for mile 30, but during the race, be present in the moment.

Mental toughness for long-distance running generalizes beautifully for life during a pandemic. Plan and prepare for the future, then pivot to taking one step at a time, one day at a time. It’s too heavy to stay with the big picture for long.

The truth is, our certainty about the future has always been an illusion. We have never had control over the future. However, in life pre-pandemic, we were better able to plan and predict. Now we are faced with the truth that we have no idea what the future holds or how the world will change. 

So how do we plan for the long run and also be present in the moment? Our path forward will be unique to our circumstances but here are some considerations.

Listen to your worries. Be brave and take a moment to sort your worries into what you have control over, what you can influence, or what you have no control over. (See 6 Ways to Stop Worrying About Things You Can’t Control .) Plan to put your energy where you have more control and influence. Some of your worries give you productive information. Act on this information. (The anxiety of “I’m stressed about financial security in the coming months” can be a message to develop a reasonable budget that anticipates limited resources.) Other worries are unproductive and your challenge will be to let those go. If you are a worrier by nature, put a time limit on this activity. If you tend to minimize or avoid your worries, work to stay present and avoid denial. This is tough work, so plan to follow this with a restorative practice of some kind. 

Find appropriate and effective supports. We may feel isolated right now, but no one is alone in this. Identify your needs and investigate healthy supports. These may be family members, friends, your church or spiritual community, recovery support, or community mental health professionals. In your long-term planning time, think honestly about your needs. Taking care of yourself is not frivolous. There is great dignity in acknowledging that none of us is super human. Find the help you need. See below for a short list of the many local therapists and supports that are still providing services during this pandemic. 

Set goals for healthy stay-at-home habits. We actually develop these healthy habits when we focus on our daily routines, but first we must set our goals. How much news consumption is sustainable for you? What stress-busting habits fit your personality and lifestyle? What is a reasonable balance between convenience and health when considering family meals? How much child-free time do you need to stay sane? It takes a huge cognitive load to revisit these questions daily or multiple times a day. Set aside a time to reflect on your needs, make a plan that is achievable, and follow through. If your goals become unsustainable, revisit and refine.

So you have made your plans, set healthy goals, and found an effective support system. Now you need to actually make all this happen! Allow yourself large helpings of grace and compassion. Just do your best with what you have in the moment. 

Practice grounding exercises, meditation, or mindfulness. When you begin to feel overwhelmed (maybe your heart rate increases, thoughts race, muscles are tense, stomach is tight or upset, breathing is more shallow), PAUSE. Breathe in. Breathe out. Practice a simple grounding exercise to focus on your senses. Be present to all the messy chaos that may surround you in that moment, and know that this too shall pass. Consider using an app such as Calm or Headspace to help in these moments.

Engage in positive self-talk. Monitor the messages that you send yourself; are they helping or hurting? Consciously change negative self-talk or anxious ruminations into positive affirmations. Practicing mental toughness is powerful. Watch this video on how NFL players use positive self-talk to improve performance. I love using mantras to coach myself through challenges. One of my favorites right now is: This may get harder but I will grow stronger . Try to reframe worries as challenges with your self-talk. One message that I frequently use is: There will be bad days but I love my odds in meeting these challenges. I have gotten through 100% of my bad days so far. That’s an excellent track record.

Exercise and get outside. You have heard this a million times. Here is your reminder one million and one: exercise and outside time boosts your resiliency and reduces your stress. Don’t be a perfectionist about this, just do it! When you are getting caught up in the uncertainty of the future, grab a mask and step outside for a walk around the neighborhood. Notice the blooming flowers, the rainbows on homes, the air on your face. Rain or shine, this is an excellent remedy and one that can involve the whole family.

Be alert for signs that you need more support than you currently have. If your sadness and/or worrying are causing more than temporary struggles in sleeping, eating, or performing normal life functions, seek professional help immediately. Contact one of the practices below or your physician for individual or group support.

Determining goals and developing plans for the future while staying focused on the present moment is not easy. We are each facing enormous challenges. But when we activate our supports and personal resiliencies, we grow stronger. Strong enough to meet the challenges set before us.

Local Counseling/Therapy Resources:

Family Support:

Recovery support:

Other resources:

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