One of the topics that sends even the most seasoned of parents into a panic is death.  What do you say?  When do you say it?  What if I don’t have all the answers?  Is it okay to cry?  Is it okay not to cry?  Phew!

Tracy Grant gives a brief, basic primer on talking to kids about death in her Momspeak column here. Parents often avoid this difficult conversation in order to protect or shield children from sadness and pain.  However, as Grant states below, having honest and early conversations about illness and death is more helpful.

“Sudden death is particularly hard for anyone to grasp, but often the deaths that children confront – those of older relatives or beloved pets – can be anticipated.  Don’t assume that kids will notice Grandpa’s declining health and extrapolate that that means he may not live much longer.  A death that seems obvious to you may come out of the blue to your child if you haven’t talked about it first.”

Here at school, we have so many organic opportunities to discuss death with children.  Children and teachers explore the cycle of life and death in nature. They observe dead bugs, plants, or animals in the forest and garden.  And we often find a dead mouse in the garden that has been dropped by a raptor flying overhead.  In one instance last year, a small group of young children chose to accompany a teacher outside the garden wall for an impromptu burial service for a mouse.  These small yet essential conversations about life and death help prepare children for the larger losses that they will encounter.

I will post more about children, grief, and mourning throughout the year.  Please email me if you have specific concerns or questions.

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